He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
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When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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