I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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