I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
did you just send me my own nude
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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