Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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