I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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