I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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