Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize