Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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