Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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