Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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