I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize