the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize