I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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