Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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