One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
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Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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