the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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