just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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