I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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