I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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