New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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