we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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