The maid of honor just puked.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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