I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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