i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
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Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
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After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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