So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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