Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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