what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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