i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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