Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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