Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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