Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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