You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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