Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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