Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize