Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
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I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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