I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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