I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize