yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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