I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need water and some morals
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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