I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize