i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize