I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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