We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
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do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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