you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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