I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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