we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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