Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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