Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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