just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
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Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
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Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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