I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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